'tis been a really stressful, high-strung week. Guess it's 'cuz I'm really starting to do work for NIE, so that meant a lot more reading than last week. Assignments and deadlines are starting to set in. Apart from that song arrangements for the album are just about done so I have to start reviewing, critiquing and practising the songs to prepare for the recording phase. I'm paid to write some worship devotions, but those are taking a back seat now because of all the other commitments. On top of that, family and the relationship, and driving, and CSMusic songwriting workshops with Martin Tang (producer and arranger for Lee Hom, A*Mei, Coco Lee etc.), and other miscellaneous things and meetups with people...

... just make me really drained out, stressed and tired at the end of the day. Above it all I realise that I'm stressed not because of all these activities per se. But because I've placed so much expectation on myself to manage all these well. And I haven't. I'm flustered all the time because I don't want to let anything slip or offend anyone. And when people don't seem to be appreciative or understanding it does hit you quite hard. And that gets me even more perched on my toes, more flustered - because I'm not doing this right, or that right, or...

And when there're communication breakdowns, when there's the inability to find comfort and peace despite your prayers, when your health starts to take a toll on you, when you just lose confidence in yourself all over and find yourself a wreck because you've been crying till 1 am

you know something's really wrong.

And that, is when the few, simple words of "I love you" ring boldly, clearly and truly. Because they remind you of who you really, really are.

Then, you stop bustling, you stop doing. You start 'being' all over again.


"Because you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you..." Isaiah 43
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