there's that dreaded feeling that I'm getting my feet stuck in the sloppy mud and sinking. I can think of a million reasons; not getting fellowship support, not getting plugged into church life and serving, not having this, not that, and so on. But although valid they're pretty lame. Where have my heart and my eyes turned to?

sometimes I wish I could just fly away to a secluded island for 3 days and have that quietness restored back to me again. that space of good-loneliness where it's just God and me, singing love songs to each other on a beach. a mountaintop retreat and experience I need so badly again.

jaded and weary; and I haven't even started work yet. petty woes and insidious lies from the evil one abound. I never knew that these things can bother me, even cloud me for days. I've never seen this side of me before all these years. so what happened? is God slowly surfacing all these ugly realities of myself... or have I really regressed?

where is that joy and gladness that accompany a heart totally in love with God and caring less about so many other trifles in the world? I cry, but the white ceiling above responds.

Daddy I need You so badly.

(I'm sorry for all these sappy posts. seems as if I turn to words as a form of solace only when something's biting at me. I shall bear it in mind to write happier things when I'm less of a whiner.)
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