I guess I can finally say I'm settling into life here. Wei's playing the trumpet next to me and I really love the sound of it. And it's a conglomeration of many familiar sounds - songs from a Buddhist funeral downstairs, noise from kopitiams (coffeeshops), cars starting up, laughter from mommy, the squeaks and flaps of my older brother walking around on the house's marble floor...
For the first time today I took the MRT (the tube) since I'm back; went to meet Zing for some noodles at Lavender. And it was this, along with whispers and reminders from God in the past few days, that allowed me to touch base with the simple things of Singapore that I've always been fond of. Yes most Singaporeans can be cold, selfish and reserved in affection, but there're always exceptions and I'm glad Zing's the first friend I met outside of church. She's a wonderful sister and listening ear, and is such a comfort and reminder from God that spiritual support ultimately comes from Him, and there're definitely sisters around to pray and talk with.

QTs and 24-hour reminders from God about specific things were immensely encouraging and helpful. On Sunday I was pretty much struggling about adapting back home and was crying quite abit in service worship, when a voice struck me, What, you expect things to be exactly the same as they were in York? Then what do you learn? Ah, I was being silly and petulant. I guess there are greater challenges back home than there are in the cosy student-haven of York, but with those challenges come greater lessons and greater things that God's going to do! Verses that appeared in church that day were so timely too! Still, I returned home from church a bit lost as to how to start getting the youth in my church revved up for God; most of them grew up in a cosy 'Christian' environment and a lot of them serve actively in ministry, but when asked about spending time with God they say it's either non-existent or occurs only 'every once in a while'. Was abit disheartened by some of their responses to me too; some of them even looked scared or uncertain about me, as if I were a foreign particle, so I got clouded by worries concerning my place in the church, my source of spiritual support, and how I should serve without appearing like an overachieving holier-than-thou, etc. And God reminded me that all Fruit lies in Him, and once again I surrendered my anxieties to Him in thanksgiving when I know that I'm nothing and He's everything, He's the one who's going to accomplish it all, not me. :)

Had such a nice chat with korkor (older bro) yesternight. We chatted about all kinds of things like studying lifestyles overseas, general differences between Americans and the English (kor's going to the States for his Master's), and eventually it evolved into a discussion about religion and Faith. We disagreed on so many points, but because God had lifted my burden of unforgiveness long before I came back, I felt so much love for him and our conversation was natural, comfortable, and we were both so much at ease. He told my mom today that I've changed from last year, 小齐成熟了, and became less pressurising and more understanding. Could see that his attitude towards me has also changed this summer; he's become more respectful and natural around me. Praise God!

And Wei's definitely warmed up to me. We still have the connection we've always had; we talk about serious things (such as the number of girls having crushes on him hahaha) and do our usual loony dramatisations. We still have a connection in music, and one morning after our QTs he played the guitar and I sang as we both worshipped our Father in heaven...

And, mommy - remember my last post about the discomfort I felt towards her attitude and behaviour towards dad? I prayed about it that night and felt I should withhold expressing my opinion until an opportune time, and the time came the next evening when we were preparing dinner together. I don't know how our conversation got there, but it did, and as humbly as I could I told her some of my views and she understood where I was coming from. What's more amazing is that God had already told her prior to that conversation exactly what I was telling her - He told her that very night we had dinner, and the next morning, that she has to drop her defensive posture and allow God to protect her and her children instead of attempting it herself. I guess it was an amazing testimony to me because I was reminded again that all authority belongs to Jesus (Matthew 28) and in God as long as I spoke the truth in love there isn't much of a 没大没小 thing. And I'm glad mom sees me as an adult now. Was quite surprised that she let me out after 12 a.m. on the night of the world cup finals. Came back at 6 a.m. and she didn't say a word. If it were a year ago she would have been paranoid and disallowed...... yesss I've always been really sheltered all my life!

Settling in... but not entirely settled. Bits and pieces of me are left behind in York, and I'm not quite sure what kind of an attitude I should adopt towards home now. I get attached to places/people easily, and last summer before I left for York I was tearing convulsively at the airport because I didn't want to leave. Oh wells. Shan't think too far ahead. I love it that God's with me, and that He's never giving up on me. Awesome God. :)
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